91PORN

Rev. Dr. Nikki Gilliam didn’t need a field education placement for her MDiv. She needed an MDiv that would fit into the pastoring she was already doing.

Gilliam entered ordained ministry with the Christian Methodist Episcopal (CME) Church after years of wrestling with a sense of call. Her husband had first named the possibility when, as the Sunday School Superintendent at their church, she’d written Bible personality bulletin inserts so engaging that church members started sending them to family and friends. But it wasn’t until over a decade later, after denial had given way to uncertain consideration, that she reached some clarity.

One particular Sunday, a guest preacher came to church and felt led to pray for people at the end of the service. “’I was like, ‘Okay, Lord, if this is really what you want, if you are really calling me to this, it’s going to come out of her mouth,’” Gilliam said. “I hadn’t talked to my pastor about what I was wrestling with. I waited in line, and as she prayed over people, people were falling out. I could just feel it as I got closer. Then it was my turn, and every word that came out of her mouth was confirmation. Within a day or two, I called my pastor and said, ‘I think I’m being called to the ministry,’ and he said, ‘What took you so long?’”

Over the next years, Gilliam moved through the CME ordination process, spending a year as a locally licensed preacher, learning from her own pastor, before entering the itinerancy track and being ordained first as a deacon and then as an elder. By that time, the presiding bishop was Dr. Charley Hames, Jr., who appointed Gilliam to her first church, mentored her through her first year, and encouraged her to consider pursuing an MDiv at Garrett Seminary, his own alma matter. When it came time for formal field education work shortly after Gilliam was appointed pastor of her current church, Amos Memorial CME Church in Los Angeles, CA, it only made sense to ask Bishop Hames to serve as her official mentor once again. When the two met to discuss Gilliam’s goals for the semester, he offered a helpful reminder that the class didn’t need to create extra work but could instead be an opportunity to focus on goals that she already had for her ministry.

“I want to be more intentional about the way I spend my energy, and include time for rest, time for reflection, and more intentional time for devotion,” she said. “With all of the things that happen at a church site, it can be easy to get caught up in everything I have to do. Not only am I a pastor, but I also have a full-time job in education—I work for the Los Angeles Unified School District—so I don’t have a whole lot of extra time.”

Gilliam’s other goals include working with the leaders in her congregation, training them to be proactive in their roles and to develop a sense of vision in a way that strengthens the ministry of the church and so that labor doesn’t fall solely on the pastor. Among these members, she is also organizing a pastor’s care team who can hold her accountable to her intention for rest and for shared leadership. Some of them are already doing so. One Sunday in November, after a particularly difficult couple of weeks involving a leaking roof and flooded kitchen, a woman came forward during worship for prayer, not for herself but for her pastor. Others then came forward, surrounding Gilliam, and the pastor’s care team leader led the congregation in prayer.

“It was incredibly humbling,” Gilliam said. “It’s been my experience that pastors don’t really let people in. There’s been a wall between clergy and lay. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pastor who has admitted that it’s been a week and they’re struggling. At one point, I felt like I was opening myself up to criticism or causing people to question their own faith. But I think because they could see that I’m human too—and I have said so many times that we are on this journey together—it provides a sense of comfort. It was humbling that someone saw me and thought enough to make that public declaration, but it was also comforting to know that maybe it is a good thing that I have been this transparent with my faith walk so that others can be transparent too.”

Continuing to journey with her congregation, specifically taking the time to “listen to the hearts of the people,” is another of Gilliam’s goals. One unique quality of her congregation is that so many of its members are related to each other, and yet they’ve also been open and welcoming to their pastor and to visitors. That combination of closeness and hospitality imbues the life of the church and makes pastoral visits feel like visiting relatives. Gilliam recalls one woman who seemed to have given up when she visited but was talking, laughing, and eating a full plate of food by the time the pastor left.

“You know you’re going to provide some kind of pastoral care for them,” Gilliam said, “and then you end up feeling more uplifted than before you visited. I enjoy that.”

For Gilliam, the Garrett field education class is an opportunity to work toward all these goals, offering benchmarks for growth, opportunities for reflection, and support in ministry. That support characterizes her experience at Garrett as a whole, where she feels faculty and staff see students in their humanity and actively seek ways to support them. Rather than suggesting that her plate is too full, they’ve simply asked—in word and action—how they can help her navigate all she has to do and support her in the fullness of her ministry.